I had a dream the other night. Something i haven’t told anyone about. It was so realistic and amazing that i wish it were real. I deamt that all these past months were just a crazy nightmare. The break up never happened, my dad never got sick and passed away, my second father figure never passed in his sleep and i never started debating suicide and hurting myself. I woke up so happy and then looked around. I was in my new room- my dads old room. The puppies, now 8 months old, running and playing at my feet. He was gone. I was alone. I didnt have the strength to get out of bed that morning, all i wanted to do was sleep. Go back to the happiness of my dream.back to the romance of the relationship, and even the silly fights i had with my dad. I just cant do this anymore. I cant keep wishing they were both back in my life. Nick might be, but no matter how much i pray and wish… He will never be mine again. My dad will never come waking through the door again. I will keep hearing his voice in my empty room but know very well its just my imagination. I just want things to be back to the way they were. When i was truly happy.